It’s strange to me that we treat our own young like a separate class of people. I know kids haven’t collected as much information yet, but isn’t that exactly why we should all be talking to them, answering questions, and not just telling them what to do? We socially isolate our own youth, and this keeps them more uniformed. They have to mainly pull information from school (not the most useful/practical), media and social media (corporate based, making your kid want to buy or keep scrolling), and immediate adult family. The only adult influences they’re “supposed” to have are with immediate family (what happens when that family is abusive, what if they’re limiting information to what they want their child to believe?) and teacher’s who are too busy to really talk.
I think this is a tragic way to treat our own young. I think we worry so much about predators that we don’t allow our youth the option to seek unlimited support. People with a lot of support are more likely to be protected than people who’re unfortunately surrounded by bad influences and harm. They’re also less vulnerable to abusive tactics. A lot of teenagers look for adults that can just talk to them, care about them, give advice sometimes. Most parents don’t really do enough teaching, most of the teens I know have to figure everything out themselves.
Why, culturally, do we think all they should have is parental support, close family support, or professional support? Why do we think they deserve so few options? It only limits them and the information they have access to. Imagine the place our youth could go if we just speak to them like people, and help them figure out life? Is that something we should be limiting at all? I don’t think it is. They’re us and we’re them. Before we’re “adult” or “minor” we are “human” or “person” – We’re entirely different social classes, and for what reason? To protect them? By leaving them even more socially isolated?
How much can a teenager really get from families that don’t care that much (or at all), (overworked) professionals, and other teenagers? Teenagers being left to teach teenagers how to just exist in society is the worst possible thing we should be doing. Thats like teaching someone to drive when you haven’t even learned how.
I think if we’re ever going to advance as a species, we need to actually talk to our young and help build them up into empowerment. Right now we just accept that most of them are hardly being raised at all socially and emotionally. Not every parent knows how and many are overworked.
It takes a village because it’s supposed to. Talk to youth, they’re people. Friendship isn’t (and should never) be predatory. But as long as we accept that we’ve socially isolated our own young, the longer we let this be acceptable, the more we abandon them.
I believe this is because of the “pedo panic” – Everyone is scared of the lurking predator (statistically less than 9%) and at the same time, nobody wants anyone to think they’re the lurking predator. This has created an environment where young adults (even freshly 18) will get beaten up for dating a 17 year old. This is just about power, not about any moral righteousness. Of course the 17 year old in that situation wouldn’t want their partner to get beaten up, it’s never actually about the young person. It’s about utilizing power.
The result of the pedo panic is our young are more isolated than ever socially, only able to hang out with other (usually unstable) teenagers and get support from very few (often inadequate) adults. This even leaves them more vulnerable for predators, because they don’t have better options. All the while, an 18 year old might be getting beaten up for dating a 16 year old – As though that will help the 16 year old in any way.
The stigma towards pedophiles has reached a point where even peers dating is treated as unacceptable. But this is only so that people can justify punching down, or using it as a way to distance themselves “It could never be me” (I wonder why they feel the need to say..) If they actually cared about the younger person, they would listen to them and value their feelings. It’s just about an excuse for violence. On top of that, the ways in which we limit our youth leaves them more vulnerable to violence like this, as well as to actual abuse.
Overall, I think we’ve built a really shit society to rear our young in. We’ve left them pretty defenceless to the chaos of life, and have told them “figure it out yourself, or do whatever your parent tells you to do” We should all be learning from each other, and teenagers need that more than anybody, because they’re at the start of their life. They don’t have the buildup of knowledge and skill yet (social or otherwise).
When in doubt, ask people what they want. “If you could change how society treats your age group, what would it look like?” Or “What would make you feel more supported and empowered?” And let them know… It’s okay to make friends. Just don’t go somewhere alone with someone you don’t know well enough to trust. Don’t share anything sensitive you don’t want spread until then either. Don’t let yourself be pressured, cut someone off if they try to push you. You should always feel in control with who you talk to and spend time with, it should never feel like an obligation (unless it literally is)
We should be encouraging intergenerational friendships, I think it’s necessary for all of us.
Note: If you’re just here because you don’t like the idea of me specifically talking to teenagers, well, I’m not just going to do what you want. When I was a lonely paraphillic teenager the few cool adults I knew pointed me in better directions and helped me get through an emotionally abusive home life. And I offer that for other paraphillic teenagers now too. It’s important to me, they’re people I care about, and I’m not dating any of them. I don’t have a secret urge, attraction doesn’t compel action.