The downward spiral of seeking dehumanization – An open letter

All of the profiles and comments in this post come from https://motherless.com

I’m writing this post out of concern for a certain type of person. This isn’t coming from a judgmental perspective, I don’t consider myself all that different from this type of person. The reason I’m publishing it publicly is because I think more people need to be aware of the downward spiral and where it can lead, as well as how stigma around taboo sexuality leaves kinky minority people more vulnerable to abuse (and potentially worse) – If they can’t get it easily and safely in real life without shame, they turn to the internet and they encourage real harm. Destigmatization of taboo sexuality is necessary to prevent harm.

So, here is the type of person:

[Edit: Since writing this one of the above accounts (the first) has decided to work on getting better. They claim it was a self-destructive coping mechanism and that they’ve been working on improving their mental health and finding better outlets. They recognize the harm of their past actions.]

It’s not just these specific users but I think their bios sum up the type of people I’m addressing nicely. I relate to them, I’ve feared becoming this way myself. I also have strong attractions to rapists and sadists. I also have a misogyny kink. None of this is coming from the perspective of judging sexual desires. None of it is intended to demonize either, but I will hold you accountable to the effect you have.

From here on I’ll talk directly to these people. Please read everything I have to say, all of it is important to the overall picture. If you skip around you will miss something important. I worry about you and where you’re headed. I don’t think you realize the impact of your actions online or where it could lead you in the future if you continue on the same path. I am not your enemy, I’m sorry if this is stressful. It’s not pleasant for me to share either but it’s important enough that I feel I need to.

I understand why you’re drawn to genuine supremacists, I feel attraction towards the same people. We could theorize on why that is (I have a feeling it has to do with what we internalize when we’re young and how it becomes linked to arousal) but more important than “why” is the impact it has on our lives, and the impact we have on society when we express those desires irresponsibly.

This will be broken up into a few parts:

1 – Danger to yourself

2 – Perpetuating harm (societal impact)

3 – Enabling self-destructive behavior

1 – Danger to yourself

First I’m going to explain a bit about supremacists because it’s important to why they’re so dangerous.

Misogynists and racists are people who use dehumanization because they’re insecure. Insecurity doesn’t always look the way people imagine it does, for example: a superiority complex comes from insecurity. In a superiority complex someone will look down on others, the reason they do this is because they’re insecure. They need to feel above others to feel secure in themselves.

Insecure attachment is when someone isn’t raised to be secure. These people usually don’t have the skills to understand, regulate, and communicate their emotions. An example of this would be a child who learned from watching their father that violence is how you deal with extreme emotions and/or how you exert control over women. That child would not be taught how to regulate their emotions or how to communicate those emotions. Growing up in such an environment is traumatic, but in a setting where violence is normalized a victim will often grow up to perpetuate the same cycles of abuse.

When your sense of self worth and security comes from dehumanization and control a lot is riding on that remaining. Here’s an article about domestic violence.

“…if you look at DV through the lens of power and control, anything is possible.” This is especially true when someone’s sense of security comes from control over another, and when all their friends echo “women aren’t people” or “Real men don’t show mercy”

I would like you to consider how dangerous someone is when:

1. They dehumanize you and their sense of worth comes from having control
2. Their friends encourage that dehumanization because they’re also insecure
3. They don’t have the skills to understand and regulate their emotions healthily

Most domestic violence (including fatal violence) isn’t planned. And if such a person even sees you speaking back as an insult to their dominance you won’t even be given a chance to defend yourself, or you’ll be punished further for trying.

Here’s some statistics, I recommend scrolling to the bottom to gun violence.

But when we’re talking about sadists who use dehumanization to justify their sadism I believe there’s bigger concerns than murder with a gun. What most of us are into is sexual abuse and rape, to some extent physical abuse. Few people are into the idea of experiencing extreme torture.

Dehumanization (especially paired with sadism) does not end at your comfort level. The entire point can become to go past that level. Just like with rape, dehumanization is a tool to justify acts of cruelty. You have limits of scat? Well somehow I don’t think that matters! And is the least of your concerns. A sadist interested in torturing you, who also doesn’t see you as human, will not give you a warning.

Though they’re smaller in number even in genuinely supremacist circles they still exist and they encourage other less extreme misogynist men to join them in the pursuit of violence.

Special attention to the second image. I would like you to also recognize the amount of friends and subscribers. Some of those are fantasy accounts, some are other submissives, some are similar men. Nobody ever thinks they will be the victim of torture or murder. But by surrounding yourself with people who dehumanize you, you likely greatly increase your chances of it being you.

Here are some comments and conversations. A few fantasy accounts are scattered throughout, but remember the above are not fantasy accounts. Some people will also say its a fantasy but those same accounts will often encourage the genuine misogynist accounts. Whether or not the “fantasy” statement is a lie for them or not, the impact of encouragement is real.

Living a double life is bad for your mental health and ability to form genuinely satisfying relationships as well. You could live a double life online where you fear being found out and rejected in your real life, or you could find people who wont judge you for your sexuality and can help you safely fulfill it.

2 – Perpetuating harm

Just like some of men who claim to be fantasy accounts will encourage genuine misogyny and dehumanization, so do fantasy submissive accounts. Like you who I’m writing this for. I’m making a good faith assumption that you aren’t taking it seriously just because its online, you need to start taking it seriously. The internet is real life and the people you encourage there go on living their lives.

Let’s assume you play it safe and never end up being a victim of domestic violence or even worse, torture and murder. Other people will be victims of those things. Do you want to affirm the worldview misogynists and racists have that allows them to justify violence? Everything you say has an impact.

Here are some examples of you affirming them. I censored your usernames because I’m giving you the benefit of good faith and the chance to turn back, I also don’t want to encourage harassment towards you. I understand arousal is not something you can control, but you have a responsibility to yourself and society to control the impact you have. Don’t be a voice of encouragement.

Additionally, people who think vagina = not human do not differentiate between youth and adults. If just having a vagina makes someone not human and undeserving of sympathy, that extends to children. Remember that when you choose to affirm their worldview.

I’m not even suggesting you necessarily delete your accounts, but be mindful of what you say and to who you say it, and to whoever is watching. And also, always assume children are watching. Teenagers have always lied about their age to get on porn sites. They’ve always been watching. This doesn’t mean you can’t express your sexuality but the way you do so influences others, including youth.

3 – Enabling self-destructive behavior

Not all those men have access to people they can abuse, some definitely do. Besides that, like I said earlier, all supremacists are insecure. Dehumanization is a tool of insecurity. As arousing as genuine dehumanization and hatred might be to you, it comes from a place of being insecure and unwell.

It’s not actually about loving men, or loving white people. It’s about what arouses you. If you love someone and want whats best for them then you want emotional security for them. You want them to be well and be happy. People whose lives revolve around hatred and dehumanization don’t know true emotional intimacy. Having your world revolve around hatred limits true happiness.

If you want to exist around this type of person online you can, but:

1. Don’t affirm their worldview
2. Push back against that worldview

Inform them of the ways hateful ideologies and relying on dehumanization harms and holds them back. Educate them on toxic masculinity and what it actually means. Including how it teaches boys to suppress emotions, something they internalize and keep into adulthood. The reason many men struggle to emotionally connect to others and express vulnerability.

If you don’t have the confidence to push back then don’t say anything at all. You reading and jacking off to hateful comments doesn’t hurt anyone (except potentially yourself)