AMSC: Adult/minor sexual contact
I want to preface this with a few things for anyone who doesn’t know me.
- I have experienced CoCSA. I understand the negative impacts of sexual abuse.
- I have dated adults as a teenager and I do not regret it. I knew what I was doing and what I wanted. I would date adults again if I were a teenager now.
- I am a MAP, but I’m also nonexclusive. This means I’m also attracted to adults.
- My attraction to adults is also more significant than my attraction to young people. I can easily be sexually fulfilled without AMSC. The reason I’m open about being a MAP is for transparency and because I believe in destigmatization of attractions.
All of that is to say, my opinions on this are not based on sexual self-fulfillment or an overly idealistic outlook. If it were about my sexual fulfillment, the focus would be in a very different area—in which I would be the vulnerable party (minor-attraction only fits into one-third of my sex pie.) My opinions are based on what I believe is actually true and what I believe is best for young people—My opinions are founded on a mixture of personal experience and research.
I’m open to changing my mind if presented with information, but considering even the dedicated CSA researchers can’t find data that confirms “AMSC itself is inherently harmful to minors” I’m not sure anybody else can. Please feel free to present me that information, I would actually love to have a less controversial opinion on this matter!
Summary for the people who hate reading:
- AMSC with younger ages is not always harmful, but that doesn’t make it a good idea or ethical to practice. There are a lot of risks. The significant power dynamic, along with societal factors, lends to a more significant chance of negative outcomes.
- Infantilizing teenagers is dumb.
- Teenagers have always dated adults and they always will, whether we like it or not. They can either do it in secrecy where abuse is more likely to thrive, or they can feel safe doing it openly which allows for more support and monitoring. I mostly hid it as a teenager, because the safety of the men I dated required it.
- There is no magic age for finished emotional development or for perfectly responsible decision making. There are many immature adults.
- It’s possible for two people to connect deeply even if there’s a large age gap. Love and attraction do not care about cultural rules. It’s not always about sex.
- Power dynamics between teenagers and adults are not straightforward or determining of abuse/harm. A teenager can have significant legal power over an adult. Teenagers can also be abusive, youth does not equal “innocence” or “incapable of wrongdoing.” Feel free to look up the crime rates for juveniles!
Regardless of age, to forcefully rewrite someone’s experience to fit your own narrative is gaslighting. It’s manipulation. Whether it fits into your worldview or not, the truth is that there have been children and teenagers who had positive AMSC experiences—who as adults still remember those experiences positively.
Here’s some stories from individuals with those experiences: 1, 2, 3
You can claim that’s from manipulation, but the manipulation argument can also be used for negative recollections as well. People are often told how they’re supposed to feel, and if they don’t feel “the right way” they’re told they’re wrong. They’re often pushed, against their desire, to concede to the accepted narrative. This is one core aspect of secondary harm. This link goes to a MAP activist site, but the research presented comes from academic sources.
Page 2 – In-depth views
Page 3 – Notes and references
Page 4 – Closing thoughts, not that important
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