If you’re someone who doesn’t believe in the difference between these two concepts, I would like you to keep an open mind. The difference between sex and gender is more scientific than you might think.
Disclaimer: I’m using the terms male and female only to refer to sex and will not use them interchangeably with man/woman/etc. This is to make it easier for cis people to understand.
Later I’ll explain the actual differences, but first I want to encourage a thought experiment.
I want you to imagine humanity is in its earliest stages. There is no widespread social etiquette, there are no rules. Any clothes has to come from plants or animals we hunt. Without any social norms, each individual will act however is best suited to them and their preferences. There’s no expectation that either sex act a certain way, only that we all strive for our own survival.
There are no rules, but there are some consistencies in ways people will behave. Female’s in late stage pregnancy wont be effective hunters and gathering will be difficult, meaning males and females who are not pregnant take on more of the responsibility of acquiring food. When the child is born, the female will still be recovering from pregnancy and also need to provide the infant with milk. This means females often end up naturally taking on a “homemaker” role, especially considering there hasn’t been effective methods of birth control for most of our existence. Most females would end up becoming pregnant. In turn, males end up taking on the “provider” role, as well as the “protector” role.
Over time these natural consistencies have become social norms, and the introduction of religion would enforce these norms. People who deviate from those norms face rejection, which means many people conform out of fear of rejection. This in turn makes the norms more solid. This is the creation of gender roles, and along with it, gender identity (how someone connects to those roles)
While our species was young those roles were the natural result of a lack of birth control and medical care (to assist with delivery and recovery), but our species has evolved beyond that point. We can now prevent pregnancies (which is a good thing for both children and would-be parents) and our daily life doesn’t involve hunting and gathering (unless you choose to pursue those methods). In current society, the roles that played out when we were younger are no longer necessary for our survival.
Even in the distant past, it would be ridiculous to claim nobody has ever rejected those norms. People who reject conformation have always existed and always will. Norms are not rules, they’re suggestions.
The components of sex
Primary sex characteristics: These are traits that exist from birth and are determined by chromosones’ influence on hormones. (ex: penis vs vagina)
Secondary sex characteristics: These are traits that develop in puberty and are often for attracting mates or caring for offspring. (ex: lower/higher voices, facial hair, breasts)
While there are two general sexes, there’s a lot more overlap than most people think. Intersex animals (including humans) occur naturally. Sex is a combination of factors with two general groups, not a strict binary.
Example: Someone who’s assigned female at birth (due to genitalia) could have higher levels of testosterone that affect their secondary sex characteristics later in life.
The components of gender
Gender roles: Social norms placed onto people based on sex. Men should be strong and stoic leaders, women are emotional and best suited to homemaking. These norms disregard individual preference and drive and favor conformity. These norms are introduced in childhood and children internalize them.
Example 1: A male child might cry and then be punished for crying, or told “boy’s don’t cry, be a man” which will cause shame. The child will probably internalize this and start to suppress instead of express.
Example 2: A female child might like playing with toy weapons or roughhousing and might be scorned and told that isn’t a proper way for girl’s to behave. This might lead to internalizing the idea they have to be more passive and demure.
These roles are more harmful than good, because they operate on controlling the expression of children to force conformity. Most people will conform to feel accepted, this doesn’t mean it’s healthy.
Gender identity: This is how someone feels about themselves in relation to gender roles. Where they feel they belong. Many people just accept whatever role they’re born into but this isn’t always the case. Many people also suppress discomfort about their gender because they fear rejection from loved ones.
Example: A male child doesn’t relate to the messages they recieve about gender. They don’t feel like they fit what’s expected of them. They identify more with the messages aimed towards girls.
Gender expression: Along with gender roles have come the expectations for sexes to dress and act in certain ways. The styles of presentation change throughout history, but generally certain types of dress are expected of each sex. Gender expression is how someone presents themselves.
Example: Someone who is male might identify as a man but also enjoy dressing in ways that have been deemed feminine (cross-dressing)
A message to trans people
I think the trans community at large needs to make some sort of decision about how we separate sex terminology from gender terminology, because as it is we’re just really confusing! Most people are still using these terms interchangeably whether they’re trans or cis. We’re never going to effectively educate people on the differences of sex and gender if we, as trans people, keep using these terms the same way. Who’s going to believe us when we say these two things are different if we do this?
This isn’t to say we need to keep using male and female, but if we don’t use those then we need to replace them. Another option I’ve seen is Wolffian and Müllerian. I would be open to using these! Regardless, we need to stop using sex terminology and gender terminology interchangeably.
Thank you for reading! Have a nice day! 💙